How to deal with unsatisfactory situations in a LOVE relationship?

Preface

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LOVE starts with a special feeling you have toward an opposite sex. He/She is someone who can make you happy especially when you are down; who can give you a secure and warm feeling; whom you think of from time to time; whom you feel like staying close to; and whom you want to build your future with. These are temporary feelings which may disappear after a period of time depending on whether he/she is your true love.

People have different ways of thinking and handling of love. What I am writing here is not research-based or formally experimented, but they do come from my own experiences and personal views on this particular topic. It’s at your own discretion to follow or not to follow. Since this is a female author, my points of views are more on the female side although to some degree it also works with males.

The greatest inspiration to write this topic comes from FACEBOOK.com, where I’ve seen so many heart-breaking status updates from my FB friends. I once posted those incomprehensible unhappy statuses too. Instead of making me feel better, I found that those statuses made me feel worse after I posted them. I have understood a lot about the disadvantages of posting unhappy statuses. They will not receive ‘LIKE’ or be commented much because readers do not like them, and they think that you will not tell them either on FB and don’t know how to comfort you, so they simply don't comment. I do suggest that heart-broken people should post anything that win applause and laugh, or at least a smile, and that can make them happy through comments with friends.

Keep in mind that do not let love rule over you but you yourself should have full control of it. I hope you enjoy reading my article and receive the messages I would like to deliver to you.

Jocelyn (T.L)

2012. 09.15

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LOVE is multi-faceted, and it depends on how we look at it and position ourselves in a relationship. Any love relationship will surely give the parties two feelings concurrently – happiness and pain. There is no such relationship that one experiences its good and sweet part without having to endure some degree of bitterness and suffering. It depends on how well and positively we treat the relationship so that happiness and joy will overwhelm any unpleasant feelings that might emerge from time to time. We can experience the feeling of being in love in several ways.

When you fall in love with someone, it does not necessarily mean that he/she will love you in return. In such situation, it will result in a single-sided love. As the words suggest, single-sided love is to love from one side while the other side silently or clearly rejects it. I shall divide single-sided love into ‘to love’ and ‘being loved’ single-sidedly. While ‘being loved’ by someone only makes the person feel disturbed and uneasy, ‘to love’ someone is more undesirably and inevitably painful if you don't know how to save yourself.

If you are lucky enough, you love the person who also has the same feeling toward you. This is called ‘mutual love’. Couples who have come into a love relationship generally wish that it can bear fruit as a result, i.e. they can form a family in the future and live happily. Reality is always cruel to most loving couples. After some times, when they just find out that this He or She is not someone whom they expected previously and so break up and find a new one; or when there might be family objection; or when they themselves feel that they are not good enough for his/her partner and so leaves the partner; or many other unsatisfactory factors, the once mutually-loved partners might eventually break up. The love they have built can be so profound for one side or for both sides that they will certainly feel like being cut pieces of flesh from their bodies when they do have to loosen their hand once having firmly held.

How to handle a love relationship when it comes to a situation that we don’t wish for? How should we save ourselves when we come to love someone single-sidedly? How should we treat ourselves after the relationship breaks up?

My theories of how to handle love are simple. 

-         Love is to sacrifice. You should not expect to get something in return when you give it away. It works well with single-sided love. If you do really love him/her, you will wish the person being happy without you or with someone else. To link to this, to avoid unpleasant feelings, you should not expect too much what the person will do for you. The more you expect to receive, the more you will feel disappointed, and then the faster you will break up and dump yourself into the valley of depression. Bear in mind that do not demand from your lovers, let him/her give you what they can and are willing to. Love is not an investment which you always have to weigh between risks and returns.

-         Love is to let go. In a single-sided love, you can choose to wait for the person or to find someone else. You might argue that ‘how I can find someone else when my heart is occupied by him/her?’ Believe me, what you should do is to open up your heart and expose yourself to more outdoor activities with friends and colleagues. You don’t have to try to forget him/her because this attempt will only keep reminding yourself of the person. You don’t have to find a substitute either because you may make a wrong decision. Just let it be and the right person will come up. Remember this, if he/she is yours, is yours.

-         Love is not everything. Everyone enjoys the sweet part of love but can hardly bear with its bitterness. Love failure does not mean end of the world. ‘How can I live without you?’ Yes! Of course, I can! And I can live very happily. A love relationship is just one of the experiences which make up a big jigsaw of your life. You can still see what the picture is despite losing a small piece of the jigsaw. Perhaps you might get a gold piece to replace a wooden one.

To say is easy, but to do is more than difficult. True love is like heaven and is almost a miracle. You might have to tour around the globe and still cannot find one. But when you are destined to get it, you can just turn round and find the person. Do not try to fight for someone who doesn’t love you in return. Force does not end up with happiness. Do not keep your heart closed because of a failure. It’s natural to feel depressed after a break-up or rejection, just cry out without shame. But do not forget to wipe away the tear, clear your mind and stand up again. The beautiful world and the right person are just outside the door and are waiting for you to reach out.

True love is to love unconditionally. – Jocelyn