There are so many memories that you cannot just erase when you want to. Perhaps sometimes you tell yourself that you will erase everything, but actually you don’t want to because you still value it somehow. You might not try to remind yourself, but from time to time it keeps emerging in your brain.
I haven’t been angry with anyone, and there is no one to be blamed either. Things just went wrong between us, and we could not do anything about it but just to give up and forget it. Or perhaps, there is another way we can solve it and stick to what we were having, but commitment was too weak to make things sustain. Commitment to continue needs to be built on both sides, yet different commitments were built and adhered to. We were meant to go onto two lines that were not supposed to meet again.
I have tried to keep myself busy by involving in several activities and keeping myself more active, alone or in group, with friends or with unknowns, so as to forget something that went wrong. It might not be a good choice to escape, but it might not be good enough to face up with it while I know I am not that strong enough. Still, I could not fall asleep easily these days because things just keep floating up but never sink.
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