Monday, July 23, 2012

Escape, good?

There are so many memories that you cannot just erase when you want to. Perhaps sometimes you tell yourself that you will erase everything, but actually you don’t want to because you still value it somehow. You might not try to remind yourself, but from time to time it keeps emerging in your brain.

I haven’t been angry with anyone, and there is no one to be blamed either. Things just went wrong between us, and we could not do anything about it but just to give up and forget it. Or perhaps, there is another way we can solve it and stick to what we were having, but commitment was too weak to make things sustain. Commitment to continue needs to be built on both sides, yet different commitments were built and adhered to. We were meant to go onto two lines that were not supposed to meet again.

I have tried to keep myself busy by involving in several activities and keeping myself more active, alone or in group, with friends or with unknowns, so as to forget something that went wrong. It might not be a good choice to escape, but it might not be good enough to face up with it while I know I am not that strong enough. Still, I could not fall asleep easily these days because things just keep floating up but never sink.

No matter what has happened, I am still enjoying writing. I find it the best way to calm myself down and to hamper my emotion from going wrong.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

21.07.12_A Visit to Choeung Ek Genocidal Center


An idea of going to Choeung Ek suddenly emerged again when I received a msg from my swimming partner on that morning that she could not go swimming with me. I used to think of biking to Choeung Ek several weeks ago, but there was a reason for not being able to realize it. Finally, I did it, and on my own.

I kicked off from my house at 6am and headed to the Northwest. Thinking of taking a detour, I rode into blocks of unfamiliar roads in Boeung Tumpun. Consequently, I got lost! I could not find the road to Tumnup Thmey road. How poor I am in geographical location! Instead of taking a detour, I spent longer time to find the way out and got onto the intended road. Along Tumnup Thmey road, the traffic was worse than ever esp when the road was badly destroyed by recent bad weather. It was actually raining slightly on the way too until I was halfway on the Chamkar Dong Road. This road was in better condition, though traffic was also quite heavy.

To note whether I almost got to the destination, I looked on my right hand side for the school named ‘Tuol Ampil’. I turned left to a small road soon after I saw the school. Unfortunately, soon after that, I realized that I was wrong again because the road led me to a pagoda in a quiet area. Asking for directions from the locals should be the best solution. I got it! In the end, I found myself riding on a plastered road which was told to head to the Center. The road was newly built and so was very convenient to ride on. I thought, possibly, that there had been increasing number of visitors going there, so the road was built up.

The main gate of Choeung Ek Genocidal Center

Tower where skulls of victims are being kept.

I arrived there at around 7am. The Center is scheduled to open at 7:30am. Luckily, the main gate was open earlier than usual and only that the museum inside was still closed. I parked my bike. Without ticket, I could go into the site and toured around every corner from the main gate to the rear site. The environment was very inviting and comfortable. I could smell the fresh air in the early morning. Without a guide, I got to know the place by myself by reading the notices on various boards.

Schedule for movie clips

One of the boards giving info about the description of location.

Descriptions about Choeung Ek Genocidal Center

It was quite frightening to walk alone at the rear site where victims were executed and buried. There were many ditches covered will hollow water and green grass. Yet, it’s still not as frightening as the heavy traffic on the way here.

It is where we can relax.

The rear site...make sure you don't step into the ditches. Scaring.

I felt sorry that I was not there at the right time when the movie clips and museum were to be open. Movies are to be broadcast at 9am. When I was about to leave, I talked to an officer in charge there. Accordingly, there are around 300 to 400 visitors a day, more than 80% of which are foreigners, and around 20% are locals who do researches about Pol Pot Regime or who have indirectly or directly dealt with cases at ECCC.

It’s great to have visited the place and to know about our history, as a Cambodian. I have never visited Tuol Sleng either, so I guess I will visit it very soon. ^^

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

More but keep it short...

My life has always been so perfect that I haven't encountered problems that made me down until now. Everything has been right with me, and I have been enjoying. What's wrong with my luck in 2012? I have felt so dump this year. I have been through a period of dissatisfaction of several things. They could even make me sad. The worst thing is that I have had a feeling of being ignored.

I hope that starting from August, I will be reborn and will be able to recover my luck and physical and mental happiness.

Wish to feel blessed.